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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25834789">Four-Letter Word</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpsimon/pseuds/fmpsimon'>fmpsimon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Love, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Sappy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:47:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25834789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpsimon/pseuds/fmpsimon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Love was a four-letter word, one that he’d been warned to never use unless he was absolutely sure of it. But at this moment, he didn’t think he had ever been more sure of anything in his life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Four-Letter Word</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                Rei Ryugazaki diligently set the timer on his phone. Three and a half minutes. Two was not enough and five was too many. He always gave himself a little bit of time everyday to not focus on schoolwork; to let his mind wander; to idly flip through pictures on the internet. He typically did the latter. He rarely spent any time on social media because of the schedule that he strictly adhered to, so when he did, it was mainly to catch up on what he had been missing. The first picture that came up on his feed didn't surprise him one bit. Nagisa was always doing something and <em>always </em>posting about it. A sort of bittersweet smile twitched on his lips as he perused a series of pictures from the weekend before. Nagisa was having a bonfire with some other friends, it seemed. He looked happy. He looked like he was having fun. <em>Fun without you</em>, an ugly part of his brain chimed in. He sighed inwardly. Yes, it seemed that Nagisa was doing just fine back in Iwatobi, while Rei toiled relentlessly at university in Kyoto. It was only a matter of hours on the train between the two cities, yet Nagisa had not visited him at all this year. The first year Rei was at the university, he couldn't keep his best friend away. It seemed that every other weekend, Nagisa was suggesting he could make the trip down to the "big city," as he called it. As exams slowly took over more and more of his time, Rei had started to decline the visitations, insisting that they would be able to see each other at the end of the term. Winter break had come and gone, however, and Rei had found preparing for the next term too busy to go back home, even for just a few days. His parents had come to see him for a long weekend, so he hadn't any other reason to go back to his hometown, aside from Nagisa.</p>
<p>                And now here he was, flipping through pictures of him, feeling jealous and upset with himself for taking his best friend for granted. He should have taken the time, made the effort, like Nagisa had done. Argh, what was <em>wrong </em>with him?!</p>
<p>                <em>Beep beep. Beep beep.</em></p>
<p>Rei silenced the alarm and closed the app. He took a deep breath and threw himself back into his studies. The stress of exams was oddly comforting in its familiarity, and he found that, so far, his hard work was always rewarded with top marks. He rubbed his eyes and a yawn escaped his lips. Several hours had passed since he had taken a break. He tapped his phone to check the time and saw that he had missed a call. His heart immediately jumped into his throat when he saw the picture pop up. As if he had read his mind, Nagisa had apparently tried to get a hold of him earlier in the evening, but since he always silenced his phone, he had not noticed the call come through. He scratched his cheek. It was nearly one thirty in the morning. Nagisa was probably asleep already. He set the phone down and looked away. He couldn't call him this late. Could he? His eyes were drawn back to the phone and he gently picked it up. His finger hovered over Nagisa's face for a while until he finally tapped it.</p>
<p>                Dots appeared on the screen as it dialed, and then it started ringing. He held his breath, anxious. But why? Nagisa was his best friend! It was absolutely absurd that he felt this way: his hands were clammy and his heart was racing. He listened to the dull ringing for what felt like forever, until there was a click, and it went to voicemail. He scrambled to end the call, lest he leave some embarrassing message. He stared down at the phone in his hands, his breathing shaky and uneven, his glasses all askew. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in his 7th story window and quickly pushed his glasses back up. His hair was messy and out of place, his clothes were rumpled, and he was fairly certain those were indeed dark circles under his eyes and not just a trick of the light.</p>
<p>                "Snap out of it, Rei!" he suddenly yelled at himself. Then, "God, I need sleep." With a deep sigh, he pushed his chair out from the desk and readied himself for bed. He peed, showered, and put on his neatly pressed pajamas, then spent exactly two minutes brushing his teeth, before climbing into bed. He checked his phone one more time, before removing his glasses: no missed calls, no texts..no Nagisa. He frowned, but shook it off. His friend was probably just asleep. After all, he had called hours ago.</p>
<p>                The next morning, he woke up and went about his morning routine. It was the first day of a long weekend and he wondered what he should do with the time, idly watching his reflection as he ate breakfast. He rapped his fingers on the desk and eyed his phone, which had remained annoyingly notification-free all morning. Why hadn't Nagisa called him back? Should he try calling again? After a few minutes debating with himself, he tapped Nagisa's picture and proceeded to dial his number. This time, there was no ringing, and the phone went straight to voicemail. He pursed his lips. That was certainly odd. The only reason it would go to voicemail like that is if the phone was off. His heart sank. Or...if he was someplace without any cell service...<em>like a hole in some homicidal maniac's basement</em>! He clenched his fists. The thought of something ever happening to Nagisa was too much to bear!</p>
<p>                He gave his head a quick shake. No, that was ridiculous. Who would ever want to do something like that to Nagisa? He was too much of a nice guy—too cute—too trusting…</p>
<p>                "Dammit!" The next thing he knew, he was throwing a change of clothes, his toothbrush, and his glasses case into his backpack. He was out the door and at the train station within ten minutes of hanging up the phone. He was trying to tell himself that nothing was wrong and everything would be just fine when he got to Iwatobi, but at the same time, he was convinced he was only going to find a body there—or worse yet, <em>pieces </em>of a body. He shuddered, hugging his backpack to his chest. This was going to be a long train ride. He had been staring at his phone for most of the ride, but at some point, he had lost cell service. It was spotty in the countryside, so he resorted to staring out the window for the remainder of the journey, nervously biting his nails, a habit he had broken years ago. Images of blood-spattered floors and dismembered bodies kept flashing through his mind as he stared at the unremarkable landscape through the glass. His paranoia was so great that when the train finally did arrive at the station in Iwatobi, Rei bolted onto the platform with complete disregard for disembarking protocol or manners.</p>
<p>                He had thankfully kept up a strict exercise regimen, so he was perfectly comfortable jogging all the way to Nagisa's family home. However, he <em>wasn't</em> jogging, he was sprinting and his anxiety had already compromised his breathing to the point where he was ready to collapse before he'd gone even a quarter of the way. He stopped by a convenience store, bracing himself on the wall and gasping for air. He had overdone things and he was most certainly dehydrated; that had been a long train ride and he reminded himself that he hadn't had a thing to drink. He stepped into the convenience store and went straight to the coolers to grab a water bottle. He was still breathing heavily when he stepped up to the register, where a muscular man was sitting. Rei had sweat trickling down his face and pooling atop his lip, and his whole body felt damp beneath his clothes. He must have looked a sight, standing there, searching for his wallet and becoming increasingly panicked when it became increasingly clear that it wasn't there.</p>
<p>                "Oh, my, I'm afraid I've misplaced my wallet," he said. "I'm sorry, but, as you can see, I'm quite dehydrated. If you'll allow me to run home, I can get you the money right away."</p>
<p>                "We don't do that here, kid," the man said, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>                Rei furrowed his brow. "But you see, if I don't drink something, I could end up in the hospital. It's just a bottle of water."</p>
<p>                "Sorry, but this ain’t no charity." Rei was getting upset, but before he could say anything further, the man said, "Why don't you just go across the street? Ocean's full of water."</p>
<p>                Rei narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me, sir, but if that ocean is full of <em>salt water</em>. With all due respect, if I drink <em>that</em>, I could <em>die</em>!"</p>
<p>                "Rei?" He snapped his head to follow the voice. "Rei, what are you <em>doing </em>here?"</p>
<p>                "Nagisa," he breathed. He shot a glare at the man behind the counter, then started walking. At some point along the way, though, everything started spinning, and it felt like he was falling, but before he knew what was happening, everything went completely black.</p>
<p>                When he finally came to, he thought he was in a memory. He hadn't been in this place in years, not since before he had graduated from high school. He turned his head slowly, taking in his surroundings: the white and blue striped paint on the walls, the light blue furniture and headboard, even the bedspread was the same. His face softened as the worry completely disappeared. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he was home. He tried to sit up, but suddenly felt dizzy, so he lied back down.</p>
<p>                "Don't get up. You need your rest." Nagisa walked into view: thin frame beneath a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, messy blond hair that was shorter than he remembered, but still just as messy. He leaned against the doorframe. "So, what are you doing here?"</p>
<p>                "Ah," Rei managed to get out. He really didn't want to say. Now that Nagisa was standing here in front of him, his whole theory that he had been murdered and dismembered seemed to be completely insane. "Well, it's sort of a funny story." Nagisa smiled slightly, but didn't speak. Rei sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat. "When you called me last night, I was studying, so I missed it," he said quickly. "And then when I tried calling you back when I <em>did </em>see the missed call, you didn't answer. I just assumed it was because it was late—which it <em>was</em>—but when I called this morning, it went straight to your voicemail. So, of course I assumed something terrible had happened, and, without another way to contact you, I got on the next train back here!" He was sitting up now, his shoulders and chest heaving. He thought Nagisa might be upset with him for concocting such a seemingly elaborate scheme, he thought he might tell him to leave and never come back, but to his chagrin, there was no immediate response.</p>
<p>                "Ever heard of e-mail?" Nagisa said, cocking his head.</p>
<p>                The color drained from Rei's face and his mouth hung agape. Had his subconscious been so desperate to see Nagisa that he had created this whole ludicrous tale?! "Uh...yes, well, I...didn't think of that," he said lamely. Nagisa burst out laughing, doubling over and clutching his abdomen. Rei slowly frowned, then furrowed his brow, annoyed that Nagisa was <em>still </em>laughing. "Hey! It's not <em>that </em>funny! Is it?" Nagisa let out something that sounded like an “uh-huh” while he howled with laughter, and Rei crossed his arms, waiting for him to finish. “Are you about done?” he said impatiently.</p>
<p>                Nagisa wiped tears from his eyes, letting out a few last laughs. “Sorry, it’s just—you always get so worked up!”</p>
<p>                “Well, what was I supposed to think when you didn’t return my calls?” Rei said defensively.</p>
<p>                “You called?” Nagisa said, furrowing his brow. He suddenly gasped and scurried over to his bedside table and checked his phone.</p>
<p>                “And you called me first,” Rei continued haughtily. “You should have been expecting me to call you back.”</p>
<p>                “I didn’t call you,” Nagisa said, shaking his head.</p>
<p>                “What? Yes, you did! Last night!” Rei stood up suddenly, wobbling a little, before bracing himself on the end of the bed.</p>
<p>                Nagisa slapped a hand to his forehead and sunk down on the bed. “I must have butt-dialed you!”</p>
<p>                “What?” Rei said, scandalized.</p>
<p>                “I called you by accident,” Nagisa explained. “And then I put my phone down in a weird spot, and I couldn’t find it, and <em>then </em>it ran out of batteries! I never even saw that you called. It was a total accident that I found you at that convenience store!”</p>
<p>                “So you never…called me at all,” Rei said softly, if a little sadly. He sat down at the end of the bed. “How could I be so stupid? To think you’d want to speak to me at all after I blew you off so many times.”</p>
<p>                “What are you talking about? Just because I didn’t <em>actually </em>call you doesn’t mean I’m not happy to see you.” He scooted next to him, bumping his thigh. “’Cause I <em>am</em>, y’know—happy to see you.”</p>
<p>                Rei let out a rueful laugh. “You don’t have to lie to protect my feelings.”</p>
<p>                “I’m not lying,” Nagisa said. “I wanted to call you a thousand times, but I know how busy you are with school—I didn’t want to bother you.”</p>
<p>                Rei turned to him suddenly, grabbing his hands. “You’re never bothering me!” He stopped, pulling his hands away, and felt color rise in his cheeks. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I wouldn’t have minded.”</p>
<p>                “So…you were really worried about me, huh?” Nagisa somehow managed to move closer and Rei was suddenly struck by the warmth spreading from where their thighs and arms were touching. Touching was an understatement: it felt like Nagisa was leaning into him.</p>
<p>                “I-I became slightly irrational and…” He sighed. “Yes, I was worried.” He stared down at his hands, clutched in his lap. “All I could think about was how poorly I’d treated you over the past few months, and how I’d never get to apologize for that and, more importantly, I’d never be able to make it up to you.”</p>
<p>                “It’s okay that you were busy, Rei,” he said.</p>
<p>                “No, it’s not!” He clenched his pantlegs. “I never want to be too busy for you. I never want you to feel like you can’t call me or see me. I want you to come first, over everything else in my life. I lost sight of that, and I’m sorry.” He blinked and was surprised when he felt a tear tumble down his cheek. Crying? What was he crying for?</p>
<p>                “Rei, don’t cry!” Nagisa suddenly flung his arms around him. He was still so stunned from the tears that it took him a moment to react to the feeling of the arms around him, strong despite their size.</p>
<p>                “I’ve missed you, Nagisa,” Rei said into his shoulder, finally surrendering into the embrace.</p>
<p>                “I missed you too!” Nagisa said, and now he was crying too. “I wish you would call more or visit more! I never get to see you anymore, and I’m afraid you’re gonna get your degree and get a fancy job, and that I won’t be good enough for you anymore!” he wailed.</p>
<p>                “That’s never going to happen, because I…I want you to move in with me.” The words even surprised him when he realized the weight of that statement. It wasn’t like saying “I like you” or “date me” or even “I love you,” but it was a statement of commitment, a commitment they had always skirted around in years past.</p>
<p>                Nagisa pulled away just enough so he could see his eyes. “Are you serious? You want me to come live with you in Kyoto? But…won’t I be a distraction? I mean, your apartment’s pretty small.” Rei’s face fell as it became clear why he was being so hesitant: he didn’t want to come. Despite Rei’s commitment to him, the feelings were perhaps not mutual.</p>
<p>                “If you don’t want to, just say so,” he said, turning his head to the side.</p>
<p>                Nagisa put his hands on his head, turning it back to face him. “Are you kidding? If you’re saying you like me enough to ask me to come with you…I’ve been waiting for something like this since the day you told me you had been accepted to the university.” He smiled, tears in his eyes. “I really like you, Rei.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t think there’s a word in any language that can truly describe how I feel about you, Nagisa,” he said, leaning into Nagisa’s hand and pressing his lips into his palm. That had been the first time he’d ever done anything like that, but it felt natural; he hadn’t given it any thought, he’d just done it. And then Nagisa did something that they certainly had never done before: he closed the gap between their lips, capturing Rei’s upper lip for a moment, before releasing it.</p>
<p>                “You’re telling me, in all those fancy classes you’re taking, you can’t think of a word for this?” he murmured.</p>
<p>                Rei hesitated. Love was a four-letter word, one that he’d been warned to never use unless he was absolutely sure of it. But at this moment, he didn’t think he had ever been more sure of anything in his life. “I love you, Nagisa,” he said, before embracing him again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this please leave a comment and/or kudos! Also if you want to talk about anything, feel free to hit me up on <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/franniebanana">tumblr!</a> I like to chat about fandom!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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